In theory, almost anything can take the role of a
"sex toy." Other than two human bodies,
anything else introduced into sex play qualifies as
either prophylaxis (contraception and disease prevention)
or recreation, i.e., a toy. For our purposes, a sex toy
is any object brought into sex play to enhance the
pleasure of both people involved.
There was some debate as to the question "what is
a sex toy?" for the purposes of this FAQ. Some
argued that this FAQ should cover those items that are
only specifically for sex, whereas others rightly pointed
out that that would exclude from discussion some very
popular forms of sexual enhancement such as lingere' or
food. For our purposes, a sex toy will be anything that
is either specifically intended for sexual enhancement or
commonly used for same. We're sure there are people out
there that find mountain goats, hand puppets, and Un*x
System Administration manuals suitable for sexual
enhancement, but that's not "common."
Vibrators come in three distinct 'types'. Many women
find satisfaction in this most common (and more often
thought of), the classic penis-shaped, battery powered
shaft of plastic. These suffer, however, from a lack of
real power and inconvenient battery death.
The second type of vibrator, the 'wand' vibrator,
overcomes these problems with wall current. These large,
club-shaped vibrators provide LOTS of stimulation, and
wall current provides all the power you could ask for,
but the designers apparently intended for people not to
view these things as sex toys, but as "personal
massagers," and the ungainliness of these things
reflects that.
The third type of vibrator, the 'handle' or 'coil'
type, looks vaguely like a small hairdryer with a small,
perpendicular shaft out of the thicker end to accommodate
a variety of soft plastic or latex heads. The best of all
possible worlds, these vibrators never die, fit in one
hand, and can provide a variety of sensations.
Shower Massagers make a wonderful variation on the
classic vibrator, and if you enjoy the warmth and wetness
of the tub, you probably want to consider investing in a
shower massager. Like the wand and handle vibrators,
shower massagers have a host of uses beyond masturbation,
too!
Don't make buying a vibrator a traumatizing
experience. If you MUST have one of those penis-shaped
things, most lingerie shops carry them. But most
department stores sell the 'wand' or 'handle' vibrators
under the guise of "personal massagers," and
buying one from reputable department stores means a
warranty, you can return it if unsatisfied, and it won't
have "Doc Johnson's Love Machine" emblazoned
across it in pink letters in case mother comes to visit.
Before using any mechanical vibrator, apply
lubrication! Your lover probably does not rank friction
burns in the same category as love bites. Use a
water-based lubricant, such as K-Y (always recommended),
Astroglide, or Wet.
Do not purchase a vibrator specifically designed to
deliver heat to the body as a sexual device. If they work
on muscles, great, but don't use them on your cunts and
cocks. I know of at least one case where a woman burned
herself with one of these things because her climaxes
were so strong she didn't notice how much the heater had
burned her.
Nobody knows how to masturbate YOU better than you do,
and the same rule applies to everybody else. Don't use a
vibrator on someone else until you've watched them use it
on themselves, preferably several times. Men, especially,
should watch how their girlfriends or wives use the
vibrator alone before taking the reins.
No mechanical piece of plastic can replace the love
and affection of a human being; try to see the vibrator
as just another toy, and not as competition. Vibrators
cannot do the dishes or take out the garbage, and they
cannot gives hugs or kisses.
Some women do experience a temporary 'desensitization'
after the effects of a powerful vibrator, but put the toy
away for a week and sensitivity returns to normal. There
is no clinical evidence that vibrators cause long-term
desensitization.
Should you buy a vibrator? That's a decision only you
can make; I personally have bought two for my wife, and a
shower massage, and they've made our sex life a whole lot
better, not worse. As always, your mileage may vary.
Dildo: An artifical substitute for an erect penis
(Websters')
Dildos come in many different shapes and sizes, but
all of them are meant to do one thing: in some way,
shape, or form, they are meant to be a substitute or
symbol for a real penis. If you are inclined to believe
Freud, then the Washington Monument could be considered a
dildo. For our purposes, though, a dildo is a sex toy,
usually made of latex or silicone, designed to be
inserted into some bodily orifice for sexual pleasure.
People use dildos for a variety of purposes. Although
most women can orgasm through clitoral stimulation, many
do enjoy the feeling of something hard and thrusting
inside them during masturbation. Many men, gay or
otherwise, feel the same way, using small (or as your
tastes go, large) dildos for anal stimulation. A dildo
can be used with a harness to give a woman a penis she
can thrust with and still keep her hands free.
Buying a dildo involves a number of factors, such as
length, thickness, hardness and texture. It is strongly
recommended that you comparison shop with your hands,
looking for one with a smooth surface made of a firm, but
not too firm, latex. Dildo shopping is a very personal
activity, and you should take your time buying one.
The two most common materials for a dildo are silicone
and latex. Silicone is usually more expensive, but most
people who use dildos regularly agree that its qualities
of matching body temperature and its general texture make
it the superior material. As with anything, you get what
you pay for.
The most important thing to remember is that you
should start small. Buy dildos you *know* you can
probably handle, rather than ones you hope to be able to
handle. Get your money's worth out of any toy you buy.
A butt plug is a kind of dildo with a bulge in the
center, much like a spindle, so that the shaft gradually
thickens, flares out, and then begins to narrow again.
In general, once inside the rectal cavity, the flare
of a well- chosen buttplug will rub directly against
those nerve clusters by the opening of the anus, the ones
which signal your need to defecate. Depending upon how
your brain is wired, denying or understanding this signal
can be a very pleasurable experience, or an extremely
uncomfortable one. Also, the 'tip' of the well-chosen
buttplug will rub against a man's prostate when he moves,
sending yet more signals of unknown quality to the brain.
It's all in what you like.
Other forms of "butt-plugs" are known as
doorknobs or pearlstrings. A doorknob is a round sphere
of latex mounted on a narrower shaft. Like a buttplug, it
'plugs' the orifice, but the sensations are different. A
pearlstring is a series of spheres that can be anywhere
from a half inch to three inches in diameter that you use
to 'stuff' the rectum to create a feeling of fullness.
A cock ring is an object that typically goes around
the base of both the penis and scrotum. Since veins are
closer to the surface of the skin than arteries, this has
the effect of allowing blood to flow into the penis but
restricts its ability to flow outwards. In turn, this
makes the penis get hard and stay hard for longer.
Obviously, for this to work a cock ring must be put on
when the penis is unerect.
Most cock rings are made of chromed steel or rubber.
In fact, most of them are little more than high-priced
gasket rings or chrome- plated circular chain links one
could buy at any hardware store. They have to be chosen
carefully, sized for the user. A too-loose cock ring does
nothing, a too-tight cock ring cuts off all retreating
blood flow, thus preventing the cock from ever
getting soft, which may sound like fun but can become
painful after two or more hours, and which may require a
trip to the emergency room to remove. Some cock rings
that get around this problem are made with snaps at
different places along a strap of leather, therefore
making it easy to size and to remove.
The best cock rings are even simpler. They're a piece
of leather or soft rope tied into place. (7oz leather
lace is the author's favorite, followed by 1/4"
nylon rope.) Being both infinitely adjustable and easy to
remove or cut off with a pair of nurses shears, they
serve all the purpose of the toy- or hardware- store
bought models.
Putting on a solid cock ring can be tricky - and
taking it off can be even trickier! You have to be soft
to do either, putting first your testicles through the
ring, and then your penis, since at that stage your penis
should be softer and more flexible than the always- solid
testes. Taking it off is the reverse process, but since
one of the purposes of a cock ring is to keep you hard,
this can be easier said than done.
Spanish fly is a powder of ground up wings of the
CANTHARIS VESICATORIA beetle, found in the deserts of
Spain and the Southwest United States. It has the effect
of irritating the outer mucous membranes of the vagina
and the penis glans (head), thus bringing your genitals
to your attention and sometimes giving you the impression
that you are 'aroused.' Women may also experience
lubrication as a response to this irritation. However,
the body is not actually stimulated, and intercourse is
probably painful under these conditions, although it may
sometimes help to scratch what really *is* an itch, and
not desire.
Spanish fly is also quite poisonous, and therefore
illegal in the United States. Dosage is very hard to
determine, as is quality, and you're just as likely to
die from Spanish fly as you are to get laid.
What is sold as "spanish fly" in the United
States is usually sold with the terms
"spurious" or "placebo." I suggest
you go look these words up before buying anything with
these words on the package. Most "Spanish Fly"
is nothing more than a cheap blend of vitamins or simply
a sugar pill.
A "lubricant," (sometimes referred to as a
"sex lube," or just "lube,") is
usually a water-based, condom-friendly liquid or jelly
used to enhance or replace a woman's natural lubrication.
Some people regard lubricants as a must-have item in this
age of safer sex and they are an essential ingrediant to
successful anal intercourse. The use of a lubricant on
the inside of a condom can make the sensations delivered
to the penis much stronger.
Prior to the current, safer-sex era, many people used
oil-based lubricants, using vaseline or mineral oil.
Neither of these are particularly healthy;
petroleum-based oils destroy latex upon contact, making
them useless for use with condoms. Oils also coat the
inside of the vagina and rectum, providing a breeding
ground for dangerous bacteria. Even monogamous couples
who don't have to worry about safer sex should avoid
using oils for this reason, as well as one other: if it
destroys the latex of condoms, it will also destroy the
latex of diaphragms, cervical caps, and sponges, as well
as the protective coatings around some IUDs.
Most lubricants are made up of one or (more commonly)
several of the following: glycerin, hydroxyethyl
cellulose, or propelyene glycol. Some add aloe vera or
vitamin E acetate. All add a pH balancing agent, and most
have some sort of preservative, since the first three
items are all essentially food additives,
"thickening agents." Look at a container of
Slime in a toy store - the same three primary
ingredients.
Although the most common brand of sex lubricant is
still "KY Jelly," you should be aware that KY
is intended for single-use medical environments; the
insertion of a thermometer or catheter, for example, and
is deliberately forumlated to break down quickly. This is
not good for situations where the lubricant is expected
to last a long time, such as during intercourse.
The names of other common brands are: Wet, ForPlay,
ID, Slip, Probe, Pride, Aqualube, Astroglide, and Elbow
Grease. Both Wet and Elbow Grease also make oil-based
lubricants "for masturbation purposes only," so
read the label carefully before you buy. These are just a
few of many lubricants on the market.
"Best lubricant" is a non-sequitor, since
lubricant choice is as personal to taste as food. Some
people like it thick, others runny, others need it to be
slick enough to grease their engines and others need it
to last long enough to go for hours. Small sampler
bottles (1 oz.) are available for a dollar apiece - buy
one of each and try them out. Figure out which one you
like best.
There is some debate about this, but one thing is hard
to deny: clothing is sexy. Whether it's a silk nightgown
from Victoria's Secret, a military uniform, the leather
jacket of a biker or the riding clothes of an
equestrienne, some form of clothing is usually someone
else's ideal of "sexy clothing."
Fetish wear is usually clothing made of leather,
latex, or rubber cut in a specific style to accentuate
the body and show it off in a sexually arousing fashion.
Fetish wear is a specific genre of clothing and as
recognizable as such as swimwear or lingere. Fetish
wear's most common characteristic is price; the stuff's
expensive. Remember that it is only a fad, after all, and
will be as out of style as the discowear of the 1970's.
Eventually.
That depends entirely on who you and your lover are.
If you like your lover to wear silk, say so - hopefully
they'll enjoy the suggestion. Leather, denim, uniform
clothing - allow your imagination to run wild. A more
outrageous suggestion is period clothing, such as the
1920's, or the 1400's. And even further out, one could
suggest wearing masks to allow fantasy to run riot -
animal masks are a popular item in this field.
Many lingere shops actively sell food items - whipped
cream, powdered honey, flavored jellies and jams. I guess
the idea is that if they're sold in lingere shops they
must be sexy. Many romances start over dinner, and
cooking for someone can be as intimate, or as traumatic,
as having sex with them.
While almost any kind of food can be sexy, some are
more traditional than others. Sweets, such as chocolates,
are actual tokens of affection, exchanged on Saint
Valentine's day as well as other occassions. In the
bedroom, chocolate can be spread on the body and licked
off. The same is true of honey or any other spreadable
substance. Whipped cream is another popular food item.
And a small spill of champagne over the vulva can take
care of any concerns one might have about the taste - for
a little while, at least.
Fruits can be sexual as well - bananas are often
compared to penises (or the other way around) because of
their shape and size. Xaveria Hollander, "The happy
hooker," once referred to peaches as "the fruit
that looks most like a woman's vulva." And grapes,
fed one at a time, are a staple of B-movies about
decadent, imperial Romans.
Almost anything edible can be sexy. At least two
movies in recent times have depicted sushi as sexy.
Placing doughnuts around a man's erect penis and then
eating them off can be an act of trust.
Be aware that any sugary substance placed into the
vagina will vastly increase the chance of a yeast
infection. It is best to avoid getting chocolate, honey,
and the like into the vagina.
Disclaimer: Nothing in this FAQ
is intended to be taken as a recommendation or
endorsement of illegal substance use. It is the intention
of this FAQ to accurately report the effects of those
substances that its readers may choose to use upon their
sexual functioning, both positive and negative.
The only "legal" drug in this short list of
mind-altering chemicals, alcohol is widely available in
most of the known world. Alcohol is primarily a
depressant, although it small doses it may cause
free-association that leads to violence where hostility
already exists. Alcohol is used in a sexual context to
"loosen one up," overcoming inhibitions to
proceed to the sexual act itself; however, it's
depressant effect may also cause temporary impotence.
Also known as "poppers," "Rush,"
"Locker Room," or "Head Cleaner."
Currenly controlled in the US, although designer variants
of butyl nitrite, isobutyl nitrite, and cyclohexyl
nitrite are still available in some states. This drug
relaxes the smooth muscles of the vascular system,
resulting in a momentary "rush" that is
primarly the result of oxygen depravation to the brain.
Also relaxes the vaginal and anal sphincters and was once
popular with gay men for that effect. Produces intense
headaches in about a quarter of all users.
Sex on cocaine is frequently described as "the
most intense in the world." (Of course, that's said
about crystal methamphetamine, too.) Cocaine elevates the
perceived effect of arousal, both male and female.
Depression is a common post-high effect. Chronic use
leads to full-blown paranoia, psychological dependancy,
and impotence.
There is a lot of controversy over marijuana, and has
been touted as "the most powerful aphrodisiac in the
world." But neither marijuana nor any other drug
will create passion where there is none to begin with.
Many people who have used marijuana during sex have
reported enhanced sensations, longer durations, and
increased arousal. However, marijuana may also make sex
more difficult because of its tranquilizing effect.
Lysergic Acid Diethylamide. A powerful psychedelic,
most people who have tried to have sex under the
influence of LSD have stated that their nervous systems
were far too overloaded with basic sensations to try and
engage in anything as complex as sex. For those who have
succeeded, however, the effect as with all LSD
experiences - depending on setting and preconceptions
about the experience, it can be exhilirating or
terrifying.
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